Understanding

Lord,

I know that you tell me over and over that your ways are not my ways and that I must trust, but... Don't you love the way we always include but or if in our prayers Lord?  I know without a doubt you love us otherwise we would have been wiped away an awfully long time ago or least I would have been...

I take two steps forward and at least three backwards daily in my relationship with you.  I try so hard and truthfully I fail so hard at the same time.  I know You see me and know in my heart I am giving it my all ( at least on my terms) and suddenly I allow doubt to enter the equation and suddenly I am behind where I started in the beginning.

I get the phone call that shares something that comes at me out of the blue.  Unexpected problems or interruption that You knew was coming, but I didn't and you know I like to calendar even problems!  Yes, it helps to see things coming, but lately I haven't seen anything coming at me.

I want to thank you for sending me the study of Nehemiah at a time I so closely needed to look at a person like Nehemiah.  A man of prayer!  A man that is so close to you that absolutely nothing will stop his mission for You.  You are teaching me so much LORD through this book in the bible that I need to hear.  Such eye opening truth to do I really care about my fellow human beings that are hurting and am I really spending the time with You before I make decisions.  Nehemiah never made a move without spending time with You.  Never any doubt because He knew Your desires!

Phone calls that the enemy sends my way should have brought me immediately to my knees and especially now going through this study about Nehemiah!  Instead, doubt filled my mind.  After several days of listening to Your word I realized that the situation happened because I still insist on trying to do things my way instead of Yours.  Oh I try to incorporate your desires into my plans, but it should be the other way around.  Finally, I am beginning to realize that the situations that arise are because I haven't fully embraced Your desires for me.  I've resisted because I feel a lot like Noah, but LORD send someone that speaks better than me.  Send someone that enjoys standing in front of people speaking about their stuff and You have shown me that it is all excuses because it wasn't really what I had in mind.  Oh, I'll do a little bit but...

Lord, I am trying to remove the buts and place YES in its place.  Forgive me when I fail and let me learn from Nehemiah to trust you and to know You so well that I never take my eyes off You.  After all I've learned that if I keep my eyes on You that its not me anyway it is ALL YOU!  ALL YOU LORD always,

I love you so much and ask forgiveness for the times I fail You!

Sweet blessings,
Debbie