Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Will you forgive me?

The Lord has placed me on a path that truly isn't easy right now, but it is amazing about the things He is showing me through His Word and other people.  I give thanks that even in the times that I feel the Lord is teaching me through a little discipline that it still gives me chills that I know without a doubt it is Our Amazing Lord!

I need to ask forgiveness from many people today...Let me explain
When the Lord placed me on the present path with Journey of Sisters it was amazing, but at the same time very heartbreaking.  I was being called to step away from all that was familiar into a wilderness in which I was afraid and felt very alone.  In my heart I knew that God was going before me, but being human I wanted everyone to go with me!  Yes, I know life doesn't work that way, but that is what I wanted.  So, I didn't like it when that is not what happened and some didn't like it when I stepped into this path either.  I know I am exactly where I am suppose to be, but it wasn't without many tears, and a broken heart, but still with much love!  I felt God's love and I felt Him leading me, but I was holding on to my past.

I have realized over the past several months studying about the wilderness times of our life that God doesn't call each of us to the same path.  Now I know many of you are saying well - "duh Debbie".  No listen for a moment when someone steps into such an unfamiliar territory they want everyone they love surrounding them and helping them, but what I forgot to take into account and the LORD has been showing me is just because He called me to this path did not mean He called all my friends right along with me.  I've been reading about the Israelites and how they longed for the fish and cucumbers back in Egypt.  It blew me away I'm like what???  Seriously, you long for the fish and cucumbers you ate while the slave masters cracked the whip over you?  God has been amazing showing me the growth of standing on my own two feet taking the steps He desires for my journey and yet I was holding on to days gone by.

So I stand before you saying that I asked God to forgive me for not stepping with a pep in my step and almost with a run to see what would happen next, but I also ask forgiveness for those that I wanted to drag along with me on my journey.  We each have our own journey and I realize that, but it was purely out of love and trust of each of you that I wanted you to come with me.  I know God's plan is better, but I loved my fish and cucumbers...and I still do!  I just know in my heart now that God's ways are definitely not my ways, but His way is so much better!  Easy?  No.  But better for me.  I have a peace finally in my heart and it has been so long coming with Journey of Sisters.  Oh I love it, but to figure out exactly what it was that God wanted us to do was so difficult at times.  I wish and I'm hesitant to say it, but that He would have been very direct like with Jonah.  Jonah knew exactly where to go and he still ran the opposite direction.  I took a step and two back longing for days gone by, but finally I get it.  It was about me clinging to people here and not to God.  

Thank you Lord for being patient with me and helping me to grasp your plan for my journey!  Thank you Lord for the people you have placed on path all through my journey that have helped to teach me lessons that You desired that I learn and for the love that I always felt, but never totally get because it is such a huge love that I don't know if I ever will totally get how much you love each of us.  I thank you for the hard days that taught me valuable lessons, I thank you for the good days that taught me the "Light" will see me through and most of all I thank you for the Son that you sent for me that I never will deserve, but by your grace I accept.  I love you.  Amen

Sweet blessings,

1 comment:

Frankie said...

Debbie, thank you for pouring out your heart to us over and over again. I pray that we can all grow in our own walks with the Lord through your candor. It makes us take a examining look at ourselves.

It is an awesome feeling when we know that the Lord God Almighty sees us, hears us, corrects us and teaches us as we seek Him and His Ways!