Sunday, July 26, 2009

The longing for why..

Today, we arrived to a chapter that truly gave me answers from God. I will share my very personal struggle with you and pray that it will help someone else that is struggling with the same longing...motherhood.

Little girls are taught all of our life that we will one day be moms. Christmas, birthdays we receive our dolls that we take care of just like our own little baby. We dress them, pretend we are feeding them, bath them everything that moms do we do. We know that one day we will have our own baby to really love and take care of daily.

Well, it doesn't always happen like we think it will. I tried for many years to have this little one went through tests, blood work, pills, you name it at the time we tried it. It became very difficult and demeaning. Once again, I felt like I didn't measure up. My self-esteem was so low. I cried why Lord? Every woman comes into this world knowing that one day she will be a mom and I can't do this...why?

I struggled and struggled and one day in Bible study Isaiah 54 was given to me...I love the version in the NIV...Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,"
Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left;

Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach....

God gave me my answer for my not having children. You see I prayed for a long time just give me a reason and I will be one day I received it. God had other plans for me. I thought about these verses and realized that it is so true. God gave me many children. The youth of the church, my friends children and I knew this scripture was true and that I was okay...I didn't have to suffer the shame any longer because My Father had other plans for me, Debbie Covington and that they involved Him.

He knows the big plans, we don't. We must trust and have faith for the why's we face in our journeys. Easy, no...but doable yes! The longing for the reason why ~ I now had...the longing of the baby in my arms -- no I will never have, but I still have the peace of knowing God does have a plan for me ~ He didn't forget me and it wasn't because I wasn't worthy it was because of another plan. Thank you Lord for giving me my answer and peace...

Praising God for answered prayers,


Frankie said...

Oh Debbie, my eyes are filled with tears as I read this. What a testimony to the love of God! That He would let you see how He could work good out of our pain and to know that all we go through is part of a much bigger plan.

You know that we have talked about "shame" before and how the enemy uses it to shackle us to the wall. We can carry shame that is not even ours to carry. Praising God this morning because, "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28

Linda said...

What a beautiful post. How amazing that you were willing to see the answer and to recognize it and embrace it----amazing for the ones you share your love with and most importantly for you!